What do I mean by that?
Casual about being my Dom? Casual about his commitment to me?
I think he wants to be my Dominant. I think he likes it.
He's actually.. well maybe I just really don't know what he is.
Let me back up a bit and say that I think I'm a person who is passionate about everything. And engaged with everything. I run full tilt at everything in which I am interested. Sometimes I burn out fairly quickly.
He moves slower, with way less obvious enthusiasm. Way less obvious engagement. He's less explicit about omg this is great. Or that's the way it looks to me over here in the fast lane.
If I examine what he says, he actually says this is great, that I am great, that I am lovely. He only says it once though, and fairly quietly, and doesn't expand on it, or analyse it to death.
Over in the fast lane, I'm raving about it, wondering how to improve it. Wondering if he really likes me, if I'm going to fast, being too dirty, or not dirty enough about the right things. Does he like my blog or no, does he think it tells too much, will he be horrified at the next post, the next exposure?
As I write this, I think the thing I'm feeling is that he's an introvert (who sometimes seems like an extrovert) and I'm very extroverted. He's fairly private, I'm writing this for the world to read.
He's asked me to send him an email every day, of things that I like, and to tell him what I like and why. I do that. I think of it as an order. I want it to be an order. In fact, I probably fish for orders, for direction from him. Sometimes he responds. Often he responds. Approvingly. He definitely approves.
Do I want him to boss me more? Maybe. Does that mean he will? Maybe not. I think his policy is "always leave them wanting more". And he does.
So, I think he likes me. He wants me to be his submissive. He likes that, is flattered by it. Sees potential in it. He respects me as a person, as a friend. Definitely a friend with benefits.
Does he love me? No. Does he want me to love him? I don't think so. If he does, I'm missing the memo on that. I think he might be horrified if I did.
I'd like him to be easier to read. I find him complicated and cryptic sometimes. I want him to say explicitly yes, I love this idea, let's do it, get naked, go get my belt and get on your knees.
I think that I want him easier to read because I really want his approval. So I want to know what he wants, what he likes, how to earn that approval.
Does he like me? I think he does. Does he enjoy our relationship? I think he does. Does he want it to go further? I think so. Does he want it to go faster? I have no sense of that at all. Am I okay with all of that? Yes, I think so. Bur really, more explicit about what he wants from me would be simpler.
